This is something I was thinking at some point. My thoughts, my feelings, my vignette.
I remember, during some times at HTMMA, where people were a bit two-faced. Don’t get me wrong, HTMMA is a great place, I love it, it’s just sometimes it’s not so nice.
One time, I performed at a talent show, and I felt so proud because I worked so hard to try and sing a foreign song well and right and I thought I had done that.
The second time was during Resilience Café, it was a night to honor people, a fun night. I had performed there too; with a song I had written myself.
The next day, my friend told me people laughed at me. Not only during Resilience Café, but at the talent show too. They laughed at my voice. It shot me down a little.
When we did Resilience Café the second time, somebody asked me if I was going to sing again, and after I answered and turned away, I heard laughing.
I had heard people liked my songs, and some people came up and complimented me the first time they heard me perform. But nobody told me they didn’t like it, or criticize; instead they talk about me behind my back.
Now, I don’t mind if they didn’t like it, I know not everybody would like everything, and I’m not perfect, I don’t expect everyone to like me or my songs; but I did mind they didn’t tell me directly.
I know they might be trying to spare my feelings, but I didn’t want that—I wanted honesty. If I sucked, I wanted to know, so I could find out how I could get better. I’m used to criticism.
I was thinking about thins a lot—people didn’t like my singing, they made fun of me for getting up on stage and making a fool of myself when I wasn’t trying to.
But I continued singing, I didn’t stop. I wouldn’t stop doing something I loved to do and had fun with just because of what some others said; if I cared about what others thought about me, I wouldn’t be doing anything. Doing what I want, and not trying to fit in with the latest fashion or technology or anything.
I also knew I had the courage to get up and sing. How can everyone sit there and laugh at me for doing that when none of them who are laughing at me had the bravery to do it, too? How many of them could write a song and go and record themselves singing; without being embarrassed about it? So why laugh?
I could laugh at them for not doing what took me a lot of courage to do what I do, but I don’t. That’s disrespectful, mean, and not right. Who would ever like someone who does that?
After singing Japanese at a school that’s supposed to appreciate and learn about other cultures and take interest in it, and singing something I put time and dedication into to a school that’s not supposed to be segregated, I wonder why this school isn’t. But I still enjoy my time here, I ignore the two-faced compliments when I need to, but still acknowledge the insults.
I hope some people realize my feelings, and even be considerate of not only me, but others as well. I don’t cry or get angry when people criticize and insult. I move on, get better, and keep on singing.
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